Friday, December 3, 2010

Financial Woes

Dear Friends;

Financial situations are seldom easy. However, with an abuser who wants to keep you down, finances can be his greatest ally and your greatest enemy. This page when it is complete, hopefully can give you advice on steps you can take to avoid the financial pitfalls that many of us who have been forced to start over again have gone through. I am hoping to interview many women who have done just that and the things they have had to deal with along the journey.

Remember, keep the faith! There is hope.



Things You Can and Should Do:

1. Keep your plans to yourself unless you are receiving assistance from an organization or a trusted friend (i.e. Employee Assistance Program).

2. Make sure to have your own bank account/s (i.e. checking, savings) before making any plans.

3. Make sure your supervisor or manager at your workplace is aware of your situation. Only the weekend before you make your move to leave if possible.

4. DO NOT inform anyone close to the abuser (i.e. relative or friend) of your plans!

5. Be sure to close out all accounts right before you leave, that way the abuser cannot control your money and use that to keep you there.

6. If you have children, you need to get into a shelter. If you are working, call your Employee Assistance for help.

7. DO NOT give the abuser any reason to question your actions or a reason to be suspicious.

Stay tuned and please check back frequently for updates.

Please email me if you have any questions or need help at

Imprisoned by Love

In the middle of it.

A love I thought was going to last forever.

I now know it was a love that was never meant to be.

Love is not supposed to be painful and fearful, but joyous and happy.

To be with someone willing to work with you side by side.

Each giving of themselves for the better of each other.

When I vowed to love for better or worse,

I am sure God did not mean through abuse

How can a man expect you to love him forever

When all he does is hurt you time and time again?

Hoping each day he will get better

That things will change, hoping, praying they will change

But they never do, and it only gets worse

Only YOU have the power to stop it!

You come to a point in your life where you have had enough

You have tried everything there is to try

You have taken the blame for him over and over

Until you have lost yourself in him

NO confidence, the abuser takes that away from you

NO trust, he destroyed that along time ago

Only fear, fear of what could happen

Not fear for yourself but, fear for the safety of those you love

Those you will leave behind

The person you once were becomes lost

Trying desperately to reach out, to find yourself again

But he stops that with his hurtful words

His painful hands upon your body

You cry out, but no one hears you

You hold it inside as long as you can

Until you can’t take it any longer

Until you feel you will go insane

You don’t deserve this, you don’t want this,

You only wanted to love and be loved

Time to bury your pride and ask for help

To stop this torment that has plagued you all these years

It is perhaps one of the hardest things you will ever do

To be strong beyond all the strength you thought you had

This is the test of strength and of faith

Although you won’t be alone, this you must do on your own

Or live forever condemned in a marriage filled with pain and sorrow

Never being able to free the spirit he has locked up inside you

Never being able to be yourself or follow your dreams

He won’t let you, he holds you back, kills your spirit

Until there is nothing left of who you once were

You want to cry, you need to cry, but you can’t, not yet

You need all your strength and will for your journey

The journey back to life, back to happiness

To be able to breathe again and live again

Free of the fear you have known all these years

Written by: Sandy Schubert
April 22, 2001